Photo Caption: 30 years ago I was in labor with my first daughter. It was also a Capricorn moon, like my own, when I get sh*t done. I labored for 38 hours. I was 17 and treated like a child. Unable to move, strapped to a birth monitor with artificial oxytocin (pitocin) for the last 15 hours.
She was a caulbearer (born in the veil), but the doctor removed it as she was emerging. A very sensitive soul. She was rushed not to my arms, but to a recovery room with lights to alleviate jaundice.
The most visceral of those fight or flight responses I’d become so accustom to happened as I was leaving the hospital. A hospitalized junkie had escaped into the elevator where I held my newborn in the wheelchair. Jittery, itching and talking to himself, I was ready for anything.
The injustices we went through birthed a time in my life of ending cycles of abuse. Married far too young, pregnant again within a half dozen weeks (some say related to caul births). The next birth would be at home on my terms, interrupting old patterns became my life.
What seems like an injustice can become a gift, even a rebirth, as we learn to shift the narrative, end the old patterns.
Eight months later I took a blow to my pregnant belly which awakened my inner jaguar mama. My own twin sister was taken from me in the womb through male-violence. Never again.
Learning nervous system reset from PTSD, or recovering from a lifetime of trauma may take years. Talk therapy, Buddhist meditation, bodywork, altered states of consciousness through psychedelics, and breathwork all required precious time. Though the last two much less time.
Kundalini Yoga is a middle path for me, using breathwork to reset the nervous system, even create altered states without the intensity of psychedelic medicines.
Transformation through conscious pattern interruptions happens much quicker than traditional forms of therapy and meditations. The work is multifaceted, occurring on physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and subtle realms through breathing, movement and meditation.
Stay tuned for my upcoming Shakti School — “Breath of the Cosmos, a Meditation for Radical Self-Love” — we will explore the facets of Kundalini Yoga